Who? What? How? Me?

from Jan

Here I am, sitting in our apartment on a Sunday by myself with all the opportunity to sit quietly, focus, write, drink tea, and get some things done. But it feels WEIRD!  I appreciate it, I will enjoy getting some things crossed off my “to do” list, but, did I mention it feels WEIRD!  I have three thoughts right now:  (1) wow, time alone when Joshua is not in school; (2) can I just sit here and listen to the quiet and recharge; and (3) I bet they are having a good time. None of these thoughts are meant as complaints, none of them will “win” out, it just all feels WEIRD! 

Let me preface this by saying, that Jeremy spends lots of time with Joshua. I do not want to come across as that mom that complains about never getting time to herself. I was just startled by my own feelings and thoughts about getting unexpected free time and about feeling that the non-mom things I do are also valuable.  Here’s what happened: 

We had a big snow storm and Joshua’s school closed for 5 days and had delayed start for 2 days. Needless to say, I did not get a lot done during those 7 days. One thing I had not gotten done was my weekly blog post. When I have “non-mom” responsibilities, I usually tuck them away to get done as discreetly and quickly as possible (after everyone is in bed, while I am waiting for an appointment, if I show up a few minutes early for school pick-up).  I don’t give them priority and, so, how can I expect anyone else too?   

Since we started Life is Comfy, I have struggled (and, honestly, resistedto see it as a job. Partly because I don’t have any additional time to devote to it and partly because I see myself solely as a mom/wife.  (Again, not a complaint.) 

So, yesterday, when Jeremy offered to take Joshua to a play date we had planned so I could write this blog post, I wasn’t even sure how to react. Could I really miss the outing? What would Joshua think? Did the blog post qualify as work? Am I working? Am I something else than a mom/wife? Can I be? Do I want to be? MIND BLOWN!   

Joshua woke me up twice last night (very important issues like his blanket was all twisted up at 2am and he couldn’t find his Tigger at 3am) and, very kindly, granted me several hours of being awake to think through this strange reaction. True to my thinking style, I did come up with some questions, but I still need to work through the answers. Early in the morning, my mind wandered: 

What do I want my role to be? I love and am extremely fortunate to be able to define myself as a mom and wife first and foremost. My priority is family. I am starting to think that does not mean I am exclusively a mom and wife.   

Does it have to be one thing, one focus? My mom always (and, honestly, sometime annoyingly) says “nothing you learn is ever wasted.”  Having learned a lot in life, I would like to think that I have contributions to make in places other than my family life.  And, that making those contributions sets a good example for Joshua.  And, that making those contributions reduces (or at least delays) my declining sanity. 

How do I strive for normalcy and stay challenged with new adventures? I love doing normal things.  Errands.  Cooking. Reading a book.  But, as I see Joshua so excited to discover the world and Jeremy so willing and focused on exploring new ways for our family to be a family, I realize that I crave those new adventures too.   

No answers this time. Still more thinking for my introverted brain to do.  But, whether you are a parent, a spouse, a single person, or in any situation, do you consider these questions? How do you work through them  It is helpful to revisit an early post Jeremy did on Declaring Your Life's Purpose.  But, in thinking these things through, my purpose as stated in that post has not changed. I am now questioning if my means to that purpose have changed. This current question is a more detail question not a big picture question. 

OK, I still have about an hour until the boys get home, so I am going to do something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time, clean out the freezer…and enjoy the quiet!